Separation of Hallah

Here is a photo of the separated portion of the hallah. This time I remembered to take down the smoke alarm before it scared me half-to-death.

Shabbat

This evening I baked hallah (the first h sounds like a vicious throat-clearing). My house smells fantastic. Tomorrow I will take a loaf to work, one to a family with whom I'll be having dinner, and a friend. I shall keep one for myself. I also baked some wicked-good pita for my delicious (or so I say) hummus. I am super-tired. G'nite.

A Shout Out

My friend from work introduced me to "Conversate is not a word." Fantabulous (also not a word)! You must check it out.

I am a deadly honest person. I pride myself on that. However, it sometimes gets me into trouble. I remember when Eminem first made his way into the light. I remember thinking, "Well, at least anybody can be called the 'N' word now." Kind of takes the edge off. In fact, I loved it. It is the ghetto culture that I can't stand. It has nothing to do with skin color, but I'd be stoned to death if I came out and said that.

There is a culture of ignorance and blame that pervades the "ghetto," or shall I call it "urban centers" or "the community?" As a white person, I'm really not supposed to write this, but to hell with it. Anyone can be great, if they give a damn long enough to find their potential.

If you fail, you fail. I'm not going to medical school because I'm brilliant. Hardly. Far from it. I've worked so hard for this. I'm going to continue to work. I want this badly enough to go and get it. Surprise! Your wonderful life isn't going to be handed to you.

Do we need to help boost people up who've been given a rough lot? I think so. If I had a cello student who couldn't pay, but wanted to learn and was willing to work - no questions asked, I'd do it for free. And yes, I've taught a lot of free lessons. Life isn't fair, but don't come whining to me. If you want something, go get it. No excuses. Happy belated Juneteenth - to those who risked everything because they gave a damn.

PS Niggardly means to be stingy. It has nothing to do with a horrible racial slur, even etymologists agree. Sorry David Howard - fired due to gross incompetence. My country embarrasses me. Sweet land of liberty. . .

PPS Destroy your TV

Circuits are Hard. . .

I had to eat my words, and swallow my pride today. Le sigh. I got into work this morning to find half of the lab flooded. The water system was overflowing. I turned off the water and put the systems on stand-by. I figured something was wrong with the sensor that controls the shut-off. I set-up a technician visit, and then the "yes, I really can do anything" man showed up. He's a "PhD'ed" individual with huge reserves of raw brain-power. So Mr. Amazing climbs up onto the lab bench, opens the tank, pulls out the sensor (which is about 3.5 feet long), climbs down, and proceeds to show me how it works.

The sensor is a series of resistors in parallel with a series of switches running between them like ladder rungs. As the water-level rises, the magnetic float rises too and closes a switch at for every 5% of the tank that fills. This shorts the circuit and allows the sensor back in the wall to sense how much current is flowing, and thus how full the tank is. He proceeds to check the magnetic sensor by moving it up and down the circuit and reading what the machine says. That seems to work just fine.

Mr. Amazing goes back to the "box" and starts looking at the wiring. He takes apart a plug and notices copper chloride (corrosion from getting wet) sitting in the bottom. He determines that this is the cause of the problem. He says he'll go to Radio Shack and buy and new one, and in the meantime I need to figure out how the circuit works. . .

He comes back, fixes it, and we're back in business. As for me - I figured it couldn't possibly be that simple. I over-analyzed it and finally asked him to draw it for me. Damn-it, I would have been correct! Chalk one up to self-doubt. Ach, I wish I were smarter.

Sleep!

It's been awhile. I've been on some excursions.

I'm learning to write left-handing to improve my motor skills. I'm back to Judaism (just a little vacation, that's all). I've been drawing, learning Hebrew, writing poetry, doting on my ratties, and fixing the plumbing in my sketchily plumbed bathroom. I am unstoppable, or rather, I have insomnia. Oh, and I did have a plumber come and do the scary stuff.

Insomnia is truly evil. I've suffered from it since I was in middle school. The only things I know that really work are writing all of my thoughts to quiet my mind, taking a high-powered prescription sleeping pill, and a glass of wine. I shall be continuing to steps two and three shortly. After four days on less then four hours of sleep, I'm getting loopy.

I need to practice my cello, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. The truly suckiest thing about being an adult is responsibility. I've done laundry, cleaned, washed dishes, gone grocery shopping, tended to my little buddies (the rats). . .all stuff I don't mind, but it eats up all of my time. Sigh.

I apologize for shamelessly laughing at my male colleagues - the water system went down today. I know how to take the thing apart, but my male colleagues wanted a crack at it. They all stood around talking about what needed to be done, which wasn't even close to correct. Then they asked me if I had done some truly stupid things, which I had not, and I suggested to them that I take it apart for them so they could check out the inside. I did this on purpose so I could watch them volley for machismo points. It was priceless. In the end, I put it back together so a technician could come and fix a crack that had developed inside the system. I said that at 10:30 in the morning, but the "boys" figured it out by 4:30 in the afternoon. I was completely ignored. Ach, I still had the satisfaction of being right all along. Now all I need is a pink tool belt. I did call one of them princess. I probably shouldn't have done that. Perhaps with a bit of sleep I'll be nicer and less evil. We shall see.

The Endless Wonderings of the Brain

I wonder if I am alone in my media-created caricature of John Kerry-like thinking. By this I mean I am the ultimate "flip-flopper." I all too often change my mind. I've been thinking about religion lately, as my husband expressed concern over converting to Judaism. They (my in-laws) are conservative Baptist types, who may very well disown us if we convert. I also don't know if it's right to chuck my upbringing out the window in favor of what I see as a more fulfilling religion. Fulfilling in the sense that a lot of Judaism has to do with bettering oneself and the world for future generations. This, of course, is a gross over-simplification. There are many upsetting and I dare say even wrong tenets of Judaism.

I like my "old-faithful" - atheism. However, that is so empty. How would I feel on my death-bed? Well, this is it - good-bye world! Not very satisfying. No one to receive my prayers, hopes, sorrows, and thanks? But really it's true. We laugh at witchcraft and the Norse gods, but look at us - we're no better. It's comforting, but so stupid that it's laughable too. Why would there be or have ever been a divine creator who put "man" here as the pinnacle of creation. How utterly arrogant to assume we are the best that this god could do. We are barbarians. We are selfish. We use circular logic that redefined as faith seems okay.

Certainly there are things we cannot explain. However, god does not stand up to scrutiny either.

One thing I know for certain - coffee is good.

Gefilte Fish!

In Judaism, we don't see the various movements as our kin, but rather as our foe. It's not like a problematic family member whom we love anyway, but instead we dismiss and even despise one another.

I had been attending an orthodox synagogue for awhile. I really enjoy the Rabbi's d'var Torah (thoughts about the weekly Torah portion), and his Torah class. However, there has always been an air of superiority, and he never asks me a question, but only the men. Okay, I could handle that. I decided to meet him in person with my husband.

We had a nice chat, but it became clear that to be an orthodox Jew meant accepting all of the practices, whether or not they're valid. I asked him exactly what the orthodox community would think about me having a career and my husband running our household. He said they would say we are crazy. We would not be accepted. That got me thinking.

All right, so my way of life is not orthodox, but I did not choose to be the kind of person I am. Neither did my husband. We try to be the best people we can be, but there is still a personality with which one is born. One can even see this in babies. So what if a person is homosexual?

No homosexual that I have ever met chose to be that way. No sports-challenged man chooses to be that way. No weight-lifting, tobacco-chewing woman chooses to be that way. We are what we are. I happen to be a leader by nature. I can't sit back and watch the world go by. I have to be a part of it.

I tried to be a homemaker. I absolutely hated it. Loathed it. Despised it. I wanted to be a homemaker. I would have been proud to have been a stay-at-home mom. I couldn't do it. It's not me. I think I knew that before I even got started.

So I went back to school to follow my passion - medicine. My husband would like to stay home, which is great. He would be an amazing father. So what is so wrong about doing what we are best able to do? In my eyes - nothing.

I spoke to my Rabbi about this - he is conservative and runs a completely egalitarian synagogue. He agrees, and even gave me permission to put tzit tzit (the fringes on one's garment that reminds a person to live a life of Torah) on any daughter(s) that we may have. I refuse to raise a daughter as a second-class citizen. Traditionally, only men wear these. He told me to get a tallit (prayer shawl) for myself. I left that meeting feeling inspired and able, as opposed to feeling guilty for not fitting the mold.

After much soul-searching I've come to realize that the greatest goals come from both Rabbis - above all be kind, and everyone should "do" Judaism if it's going to have any meaning for future generations. Dayenu.