In Judaism, we don't see the various movements as our kin, but rather as our foe. It's not like a problematic family member whom we love anyway, but instead we dismiss and even despise one another.
I had been attending an orthodox synagogue for awhile. I really enjoy the Rabbi's d'var Torah (thoughts about the weekly Torah portion), and his Torah class. However, there has always been an air of superiority, and he never asks me a question, but only the men. Okay, I could handle that. I decided to meet him in person with my husband.
We had a nice chat, but it became clear that to be an orthodox Jew meant accepting all of the practices, whether or not they're valid. I asked him exactly what the orthodox community would think about me having a career and my husband running our household. He said they would say we are crazy. We would not be accepted. That got me thinking.
All right, so my way of life is not orthodox, but I did not choose to be the kind of person I am. Neither did my husband. We try to be the best people we can be, but there is still a personality with which one is born. One can even see this in babies. So what if a person is homosexual?
No homosexual that I have ever met chose to be that way. No sports-challenged man chooses to be that way. No weight-lifting, tobacco-chewing woman chooses to be that way. We are what we are. I happen to be a leader by nature. I can't sit back and watch the world go by. I have to be a part of it.
I tried to be a homemaker. I absolutely hated it. Loathed it. Despised it. I wanted to be a homemaker. I would have been proud to have been a stay-at-home mom. I couldn't do it. It's not me. I think I knew that before I even got started.
So I went back to school to follow my passion - medicine. My husband would like to stay home, which is great. He would be an amazing father. So what is so wrong about doing what we are best able to do? In my eyes - nothing.
I spoke to my Rabbi about this - he is conservative and runs a completely egalitarian synagogue. He agrees, and even gave me permission to put tzit tzit (the fringes on one's garment that reminds a person to live a life of Torah) on any daughter(s) that we may have. I refuse to raise a daughter as a second-class citizen. Traditionally, only men wear these. He told me to get a tallit (prayer shawl) for myself. I left that meeting feeling inspired and able, as opposed to feeling guilty for not fitting the mold.
After much soul-searching I've come to realize that the greatest goals come from both Rabbis - above all be kind, and everyone should "do" Judaism if it's going to have any meaning for future generations. Dayenu.
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2 comments:
What an Orthodox rabbi said to me many years ago was that if not for the religious aspect of giving the q's to the men, there is the psychological one. Women get bent out of shape and take things personally and will run the show if they get into running things. Most women are not like us, Anne! I've seen it in Christian fundamentalist churches as well.
I am not a housewifely mother, either. I so badly wanted it-- it would have been easier. If I manage to make a lot of money and we get out debts paid down, my husband would love to cut back and be a house dad and take yearly trainings to keep up with his skills and be the volunteer in the schools, which I loathe doing. I hate dealing with other mommies-- PTA gives me the creeps while they argue over which wrapping paper to sell!
My Orthodox church doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I don't grasp a lot of it-- too many stories are outrageous. Wouldn't G-d/God be simple? I quit trying to make sense of it and I go about my merry way planning my career and doing as I must. One of these days I will convert to Judaism. I look like a modern day traditional Orthodox woman.
I'm spiritual but not religious.
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