The road to religion in my life has had many curves. I was raised Catholic by a Neo-Pagan set of hippie parents. However, I was also reared in a large Jewish community, and took care of the Rabbi's children for several years, and I have some Jewish relatives. Once I moved away from home I left religion behind.
My husband and I knew a Jewish woman (secular) who died unexpectedly. I really liked her wit and I loved talking to her. On a whim that evening I started looking for Jewish sources to nurse the wound that had formed in my heart on the day of her passing. I had lost someone who was a real gift, and I barely knew her.
The more I read the more it made sense. The more I read the more it didn't make sense. But one thing impressed me more than anything - Jewish life is based on scholarship and debate. One does religion as a way of letting those deeds fill the heart and mind. This is exactly what I needed.
I talked to my husband about it. I thought he would think I was crazy (crazier?), but instead he started reading and realized that yes, this is a good thing.
This past Tuesday we celebrated the Jewish holiday (if you want to call it that) Tisha b'av. It's a day of mourning commemorating the falling of the two temples, and the expulsion of Jews from Spain among other atrocities. We sat on the floor at the rabbi's house and read the book of Lamentations, or rather, it was chanted. For the next 25 hours we fasted.
Fasting wasn't too hard, but the body does go into a depression, both physically and spiritually. I felt so sad by the end of the day. I wanted to eat and drink, but not as badly as I wanted to understand why people are cruel. Why does anyone need to suffer at another's hand? I do mean people. Why are people terrible to one another? Why are people careless? I don't know. Why didn't I stop and help that man in a wheelchair in Chicago? He was throwing-up. He was all alone. Was he drunk? Did that matter? Why didn't I stop, go back into the restaurant and get him some water and moist paper towels? I don't know, and that burden will be with me for the rest of my life. Every day I try to be a bit kinder. It's not in my nature, but I try. Maybe someday I will be able to say, "This time I was a great help."
Shalom.
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2 comments:
It's always fascinating and inspiring to see how much differently and how much the same we see things. Thank you for sharing that.
hey, thanks for stopping by my place and leaving a comment. it's nice to see other young'uns in the blogosphere. :)
your religious journey is very interesting. i'm glad you found what you needed, in terms of both the short-term and the longer-term. judaism has always interested me for that same reason - the focus on discussion, rather than blind acceptance. i was raised catholic, too, however, and still identify more with it than other religions. but i find them all pretty fascinating.
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