Looser

I missed out on my library reading today. However, the siding and windows now shine (minus two rooms - I'll do that tomorrow). We have a real desk in the study now, and that's wonderful. The woodwork in the kitchen looks very nice. The piles of laundry are done. The porch furniture is washed. The basement is looking very neat and clean. Life is good.

So here's the application business - I now have 15 out of 15 secondaries to complete. I'm very excited about this and I would be flattered, but now I think I've realized that it's a way to make money rather than actually choosing candidates. My MCAT scores certainly aren't good enough to get into Minnesota or Johns Hopkins (I love you John!). But honestly, if they do call me, I'll answer the phone very calmly and accept the invitation, and then I'll get off of the phone (double check that it is in fact hung up) and then scream like a teenage girl upon seeing Johnny Depp walk through her front door. Or Les Claypool! He's my boyfriend from the band (ex-band) Primus. It's okay, Jason knows that I'm cheating on him with both Les and John (of Johns Hopkins).

The question of the day to ponder - other than the ridiculous question from a certain school which asks, "Briefly describe what a life in discovery means to you?" - should I go to school through the army scholarship? It doesn't sound like a bad gig. I'm afraid of what might be the underlying, hard to find, crap in the fine print, but the program as a whole sounds pretty good. I'd actually rather go with the navy, but I've read that the army gives the applicant more choices. What to do? I'm happy to give my effort, but I'm certainly not willing to give my life over stupid (and I mean stupid) politics. It infuriates me that so many people are being wantonly killed everyday.

Let's discuss education briefly, since I gave that nice intro through the above essay question. What has happened to us? It used to be that only the kids from elite backgrounds (read as "education is prized and sought-after") went to college, and there were few "filler schools" - by that I mean schools that cater to the third-rate student. What about the GI bill during the Second World War? That allowed more blue-collar families to send their kids to college, when before they wouldn't have had the opportunity. Did we then allow the standards to slip? Why do we now focus on learning all the details of many subjects instead of really learning the basics well and then allowing the really great minds to continue? I remember learning all kinds of battles for the various "big wars," but I failed to really take home the - Who was there? Why did it get started? How did it progress? What were the consequences? Why must kids fill so much of their days with school, when if we cut the junk out it would only take a few hours and then time for homework and other interests? Is it so parents can work and there's a free babysitter? It disgusts me. I would have been very sad to have been weeded out long ago - I come from an utterly average family - but what about real effort? I never had to really fight for higher education. In fact, my undergraduate degree was paid for! I'm a very good cellist, but worthy of a full-ride? Doubtful.

Medical school study has taught me a lot, and more than just the subjects I've needed to study. It's taught me that if I want this I'm really going to have to work for it. It's a nice change really. But can I afford to do this? I guess I'll find out. I have no support. I can't call home and say, "Mom, can I have $1000?" Let alone $30,000. It's scary. What I wouldn't have given for home schooling. Home schooling from people who really value knowledge. I would have loved to have learned Latin, and classic and contemporary literature, history, real mathematics and logic. To have an education that would show that I really know something. To be able to discuss things on the level of a great thinker. That's what I lament most. And I look around and listen to the chatter and I hear, "and I'm like, so, whatever. It's like not even funny, and did you hear about ____? I couldn't believe it. Shit, I need to go do my calculus homework. I need to put the formulas for the test in my calculator." And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where we are today. Go rent Idiocracy. . .